We have accepted the terms and conditions We have done the Maths We have been woken by car alarms We have allowed our membership to lapse We have looked, but we have not touched We have forgotten to buy milk We have used milk that has gone past its sell by date We have stopped […]

During some routine research into oral hygiene technology today, I stumbled upon this mutant toothbrush. Like something out of The Fly. You know, for kids! I can also imagine the creative discussion that led to this rascular innovation. A: Increasingly, consumers are becoming concerned with their tongues. B: If only it were possible to in […]

Here is another numerically ordered piece, originally published in the December edition of the hip, gunslingingly pdf magazine All The Rage. Before climbing back into bed after going to the toilet in the middle of the night, he would habitually check the time on his phone. In that half-asleep state, he had always assumed that […]

A few days ago, I dropped a newly-opened 500g tub of Flora margarine, and it landed, openside-down, on the kitchen floor. When I picked it up the entire polyunsaturated block decided that it quite liked it there, and came clean out of the tub. 1. I found that I was, in equal measure, irritated at […]

Borderline humorous froth

I’m getting to know the tree quite well now. Three* times running this week, on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, the train slowed, and finally stopped completely right alongside the tree. On one occasion for about ten minutes. I must have been sitting in the same place on the train, as each time I had the […]

The following essay was originally published in the increasingly aptly named All The Rage in November 2007. Read on, then pay them a visit. It is impossible for me to think of the Rubik’s Cube without a mental image of a schoolboy scuttling along a polished stone corridor with his hands in his blazer pockets: […]

Birds are abstract expressionists, but worms can only do self portaits.

So, yes, it’s autumn. According to this web page nothing happened in September, but that is wrong: a lot of things happened in September, it’s just that writing something for this web page wasn’t one of them. Because of, you might say, confusingly. Here though, now that it is autumn, is some information about things […]

What appealed to him about the Underground was the idea of descending into the earth in one part of the city and then shortly afterwards emerging up and out onto the street in a completely different place. This was teletransportation for the industrial age. But he subsequently realised that this was essentially a love of […]