I have changed the default time settings of this website to GMT. It is the right thing to do. I am not a budgerigar.

I’ve grown tired of all of the kind words and fantastic offers sent to me by computers. If nothing else when I look at the site stats it makes me look much more popular than I really am. So I’ve turned off the comments, for now at least. Except for this post. Because I do […]

At lunchtime yesterday I was forced to conclude that I did not have anything in my kitchen or food storage areas that I wanted for lunch. This was because I did not have any fish and chips from the chip shop. And I’m glad because my trip to the chip shop was not only an […]

One of the supermarkets where I sometimes buy my grapes sells them in plastic bags with a zip. This is so that none of the grapes can escape.

A little while ago I wrote about a short performance piece by Search Party involving a hula hoop and some nicely done text. I liked it. When they invited submissions for a Wimbledon follow-up I expressed an interest. Despite the lovely typewritten letter they sent me with instructions, I was far too busy being a […]

On this particular Sunday morning he was eating Cornflakes while reading, the book held precariously open by a jar of marmalade on the thick right-hand to-be-read side, and an empty wine bottle on the thin left-hand having-been-read side, offering him satisfactory hands free operation, but at the same time threatening at any moment to eject […]

As well as receiving paper items through my door most days, I am also in frequent receipt of messages from complete strangers in my Thunderbird Inbox. Most of these messages I have some difficulty in understanding, and I move them to a special folder that I think of as a computer version of the large […]

I shall be celebrating Englishness today by not making a fuss about it.

But the intercom just mumbled something short, and the door buzzed. He lurched for it, but as he pushed it, the buzzing stopped, and it wouldn’t move. He pulled, he pushed. Reluctantly he gave the intercom another, apologetic push, and just as he did so, the door buzzed again. He threw himself against it and […]

Winston Churchill is at a party and a woman comes up to him and says: “Mr Churchill, how marvellous to meet you. I am a huge fan.” And Churchill, a little the worse for wear, looks at her for a few seconds and then says “Fuck off you ugly cow”. A couple of days later […]